Wednesday, March 16, 2011

White Feathers.

Spring break..... Its awfully quiet around here. Nowhere to go. Nothing to do. 
So Ive begun doing some of the silly things I did as a child. 
Like painting old furniture and cutting apart old magazines.
Making perfectly good things into 
even more fantastic things.

It took a while to paint this. I sat in the backyard so long that my butt began to get sore.
So I grabbed a pillow to sit on.
Oh, don't stop now!! The story gets better..

I swear!

I ran off into the world for an hour or so and left the pillow out back.
Along with my dogs.

Now it appears as though an entire flock of birds has  exploded in my yard.
The above picture is our makeshift doggie agility course,

along with 37 billion tiny white feathers.

Apparently it was exhausting. VERY Exhausting.

 Because they could barely keep their guilty little eyeballs open.

Okay, yeah. Its freakin' adorable. 

Don't encourage them... please.

 I just spent 2 hours picking up feathers.

White Feathers. White feathers. White Feathers.



Thursday, March 3, 2011


My name is Lauren, and I don't fit.

In your imaginary box.

Friday, February 25, 2011

The Second Mural for NOVA

I lead a wonderful team of volunteers through the second mural project at Nova Safe Haven.
We had much more detail to paint this time, and fewer volunteers.

Click here to learn more about NOVA and here to check out the last project.
Although the mural covers an entire wall, I put the majority of the design in the center. It felt right at the time, but as a volunteer project, I definitely learned that my longer, more spread out design worked a bit better.

 The people up high were dripping paint in the hair of the people down low.
So I could have done some things a bit different, 'better' maybe.
Im Learning.

I am always learning. I am either learning or Im dead... 

We had about 12 people sign up, none of them "artists",
or so they said....

Ive come to believe that most artists don't KNOW they are artists, until someone points it out to them.

They believe that because they are learning, they are not artists.....
You are always learning. Aren't you?

There is a story of a famous artist in spain. A very Great artist, Francisco Goya. And when he was very old and had completed one of his last paintings he painted these words upon it:
 "I am still learning."

See? You think artists just have this art thing all figured out... but we don't.

Honestly, it wasn't until very recently that I came to know I was an artist.

You can also claim something for yourself and Become it, even if you are still learning. 

So, NOW.

Whatever you are doing:
Step into your full potential.
Dont hide under a veil of "I'm not sure yet."

If you make art... then you are an artist. 

That's it.

Maybe YOU will join me when I paint the next mural?

And we can learn together.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Tied Down

I hear it all the time. 

"If I didn't have this job, I'd...."
"If I didn't have the kids, I'd...."
"If I weren't in school, I'd"
"If I had the money, I'd..."

No you wouldn't.

I know you THINK you'd do all sorts of fantastic things if you weren't so


But I guarantee its not those things that are tying you down.

Its YOU.

Sunday, February 20, 2011


Looking outside for answers.

You will never find them.

They are inside.


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Don't Judge. Just Notice.

A follow up to a question about my previous post on War

What if I don't know how? 
I don't know how to make the thoughts stop. I don't know how to let go.

Here's the real wacky thing. Wanting the thoughts to stop is exactly what keeps them going.
So Im going to take a little detour from the original question, but it all comes back around. I promise.

This is such a simple concept that it becomes enormously difficult to understand. So Im going to ask that you don't try to overanalyze what I say here, and just take it for what it is. Its really not that deep. The best way to think about it is not to.

In the previous post I talked about choosing sides. Wanting things to be different then they are right now.

The act of wanting is Desire, right?

Everything comes from desire.

We are pleasure seeking machines, we desire all day every day, and we BELIEVE if we get what we desire then we will no longer have that feeling of lack that desire directly creates. 

We think we want things, but what we really want is to end the sense of lack.

A new car, a better relationship, weight loss, world peace, less back pain, a dog that doesn't eat the couch.... the list never ends.

You feel a sense of lack? You want that feeling to go away?

You NEED something to be happy. 


Think about it. Thats why you do everything you do. Because you believe that once you do it or have it (get the new car, get the promotion, train your dog not to pee on your bed, get the newest smartphone, have 500 Facebook friends, a jumbo jack with cheese) THEN you will be happy. 

But are you?

Maybe momentarily. 

But then what? 

Theres something else, right?

You continuously need something else. 

Do you see whats happening? How you are just running around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off, desperately seeking to end this feeling of lack?

And so you ask....

How do I make all these thoughts stop?

The desire for the thoughts to stop is desire itself.

Heres where the tricky part comes in.

1) Notice.

Theres nothing that you need to do, except notice whats happening. Notice yourself wanting things to be different. Just notice. Your anger, impatience, inattentiveness, indecisiveness, whatever... Pay attention to the feelings you are having while you are running around in circles. Be diligent. Pay attention to your feelings, relentlessly. Take note. And then take note again.

All day. Every day.

2) Don't judge. 

Don't judge your thoughts, don't judge your feelings. Just let them be. And most importantly if you catch yourself judging, don't judge you're judging.

I know, you think Im crazy. And I am.
You think this "noticing" isnt the answer?

This is how anything in your life has transformed.... This is how relationships have come to be, and also how they have ended. Its how you got your job and also why you've left jobs. Paying attention to your mind is the root of all Transformation.

Just think about the last big change that occurred in your life. Maybe it was a relationship. What happened? You began to notice feelings you had while you were with that person. You became AWARE of the way that person's actions affected you. You took note of the sensations that occurred in your body when you were around that person. A sinking in your stomach, a lump in your chest. You noticed that.

And then the relationship just sort of fell away...

It just kind of happened, right?

It all came to a head on its own.

Thats it.

Just Notice. Don't judge.

Friday, February 18, 2011


I used to be infatuated with the idea that suffering was bad and that I was put hear on this earth to end it.

 I wanted to end PROBLEMS. I got a degree in psychology so I could FIX people and things that were not working properly. I was so purely against people who hate and kill and Destruct, and self destruct.

I spent every waking minute trying to research information that may help to end the massive amounts of silent suffering going on in the minds of people all over the world..

Mental Dis-Ease.

Lets call it War. Because, it is, isnt it?

I graduated, with a degree in Mental Dis-Ease (They call it psychology). That Diploma... It didn't help.

I still could not help them. 

I could not change their minds.

I could not make them different.

I could not save them from themselves.

What I did not know then, that I know today: 

The desire to end War is war itself. 
When I tried to end this suffering, I was clinging to the idea that suffering was BAD. That not-suffering was GOOD.

That's what war is. 
Clinging to an idea that one way is good and the other way is bad...and then fighting to the death for it.

We must first end the war within ourselves, in order to end the collective war.

The only way to end the war within ourselves is by not attaching to the idea that the war needs to end.

We can not stop them from suffering, until we have stopped ourselves.

Let go.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Advice for the Indecisive

You are confused. Confusion is a flavor of Fear

So you've got to keep an eye out for what it is you are afraid of. My guess is that you are afraid you'll screw it up, you wont get it right, you'll choose one thing and change your mind later? It will all be a waste... Right?  Ultimately the reason is of little importance.

Notice the fear.

 Just sit with the feeling of confusion (fear) without striving to change it for long enough that it transforms. Cultivate it. Tend to it. Cuddle with it. Sleep with it. Have sex with it. 

Just keep allowing the fear. 


A Storm of Fear.

Once the storm has passed, answers will become clear. 

Right now, you are striving.

Stop it.

Let go.

I understand you feel as though you are constrained by time, I realize this decision feels as though it needs to be made NOW, but it doesn't.  No need to do something you are unsure about just for the sake of making a decision. Just keep doing what you are already doing. And if you can not decide now, then that is exactly what you are doing, not deciding. That is why when you major in something there is an option of "UNDECIDED". 

Because, you can BE undecided.

So Be.

Until you are not.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Love and Fear

There are only Two emotions.

Love and Fear.

I bet you thought there were more, right? 


But what about all the other sensations you feel? 
Isn't that what they are, Isn't that how you experience them? Sensations in your body? In your core. 

Happiness, Excitement,  Compassion, Empathy, Peacefulness, Joy, Forgiveness.

LOVE. Its all Love. Different flavors, but they all stem from Love. 

Surprise,  Jealousy, Hate,  Greed, Envy, Anxiety, Sadness, Depression, Shame, Prejudice, Anger.

FEAR. Different flavors of fear.

Its so simple, yet you make it so complicated. 

We cycle though love and fear all the time. Some days one dominates over the other, but its pretty much a Love Fear Salad. 
All day, Every Day.

This day (Valentine's Day) is devoted to Love. 
Happiness. Joy. Empathy, Compassion.

What we don't do is set aside a day to Celebrate (Celebration is Love) Fear.
Why don't we?
Why do we deny this Emotion. There are only two, and we deny ONE! Isn't that ridiculous? Its like denying half of who you are.

Underneath all love is fear.

Fear that love will end.

And it will.

Everything will end.
And as soon as it does, it will begin again. 
Love      Fear      Love      Fear      Love      Fear
All day, everyday.

Fear must be embraced, with loving hands.
Because it is the embryo of love. 
If you nurture it and take care of it. Feed it the right things, it will grow. It will begin to kick and move around. Soon, you wont be able to sleep at night. Then one day, after much pain and agony, there will be complete Transformation.

There will be Love.


And then it will die.

Dont attach to it. Just notice how it comes and goes.
How it moves through you.

Just Notice.

Love and Fear.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Paint with a capital P

Friday night. Pajamas and tea.


I'm really feeling this Paint with a capital 'P' thing.

I say it often. I write it often.

But today I feel it on a cellular level.

Do you know what its like to feel in that way?

When the whole world seems to align right through your core.
And you cant help but smile.
And cry.

The Music.
The Moment.
You Own it.
Dont Ever Let it Go.