To Whom it May Concern,
I really didn't want to post.
I was telling myself I had nothing of value to say.... today.
Then I realized I was sitting here googling a very long chain of random useless mind-numbing lies.
What am I doing? How did I get sucked in!? Eck!
Oh! And somewhere in there I read the most striking blogpost. It was deep.
So deep, It made me feel shallow.
God, I love chicks that can write, from the deep down dirty places inside themselves. Its a rare talent.
Im on the lookout for these girls. Let me know if you find any more.
That blogpost made me realize that Im not being 100% honest with you. I haven't been intentionally holding back, but I suppose I didn't realize the level of insane that I could be..... here.
Now that I know, I guess its a free for all, eh? Cant wait to go there.
So when's good for you?
Im free now.... How about you?
I have no idea what Im doing.
But I think thats all stemming from the brutal wake up call I've had recently, that I can DO whatever the hell I want.
Yeah, imagine that.
Nobody is stopping me.
I have options.
It came as a surprise to me... Really.
It was like I had my hand on a pie made from the ashes of Jesus Christ Himself.
GLORY GLORY HALLELUJAH mixed with what-the-hell-am-I-doing?
This pie is so delicious....as well as insanely intimidating.
Would it be a sin to eat this?
If I didnt eat it, would I die with regrets...about not knowing the sweet taste of Jesus?
Yeah, Im getting carried away. What Im saying is, life is good. Its real good.
I've got options.
And I know what I want. A very broad sense of it, anyway.
Even scarier, I know exactly how to get it.
I also know what I don't want. I don't want to die not having tasted the Jesus Pie.
I know my Purpose. I also know why they call it a "Higher Purpose", cause when you are living it, you feel high. There is no drug replica of this feeling.
I've shifted. From being afraid, to being Terrified.
I have words to say. I have people to help. I know something huge is about to take over. I feel it.
Im just waiting.
Being Open. Being Honest.
Being Open. Being Honest.
I've even tried to force it. Cause Im human, and Im impatient.
It fails every time.
You cant force LIFE.
Sometimes I get sucked back into my old ways. For just a second I get wrapped up in the idea that I need money, 'success' and nice abs. That money is easy to get wrapped up in. Its a downward spiral. Same with the abs.
Sure, I need money, but Ive made good money in the past, and those were my darkest days. Its clear my Purpose is NOT money.
Yet Ive sought money and success like my head was on fire.
And in the end, it Sucked.
Astronomical Amounts of Sucking were involved.
On the cold wet pavement, in a dark alley somewhere, all alone, sucking my thumb. Thats what money felt like. A complete travesty.
Lately I've been pursuing this other thing... Art, Love, Philosophy, Yoga... Inspiring others, and Writing.
Ya know what? It doesn't pay.
Ya know what else? No Sucking involved whatsoever.
I feel ALIVE.
I want to take a big juicy bite out of life and let it drip off my jowls.
(When did this turn into a letter?)
PS- Suck it, Money.