Super Bowl, not so Super for me.
Im not so into Sports.
Mostly because my competitiveness is a bit overwhelming. I have a problem in the area of sports-like competition. Im that child that threw a tantrum when she lost at Chutes and Ladders.
Im an only child.
As in: Only Me.
I was all I had.
And when I lose, I throw the controller across the room, and scream "I PUSHED JUMP!". (My father will testify to this.)
When met with the challenge of another I stand strong and fierce,
I am always ready to fight, to the death.
My determination to Be the Best has nearly been the death of me on more than one occasion.
Im a bad loser.
I've worked on this for years now. I've worked on being okay with not winning.
From the longest time I just had to sit on the sidelines... of life. That was pretty much the first step of recovery.
Because I did not have the capacity to Live without the competition.
So I just sat out. And I felt the burn of others winning.
Over and over and over.
It has been a LONG journey. One that has caused enough fire inside me to burn up the entire Universe.
But, slowly. So.. very... VERY slowly, my capacity to surrender to showing-up-exacly-as-I-am has grown.
I am nearly able to participate in everything now.